Want to hear about this incredibly dumb and dangerous thing I did off Coquina Beach?
Sure you do.
There's nothing like a little outdoor schadenfreude to make us feel better about the little mistakes we all make while hiking, biking or making trips to the beach.
The best part of this story is that I actually said the fateful words that usually precede one of America's stupidest home videos: "Wait -- let me do it again so you can get it on tape!"
The worst part of this story is that it cost my sister 11 stitches over her right eye.
Breaking just right
It was a gray day, windy and wet, so there was hardly anyone else on the beach in Bradenton.
My sister Jeanne was visiting Florida with her husband, daughter and 6-year-old granddaughter. In a shallow stretch of protected water on the beach, the little girl learned how to paddle my sit-on-top kayak.
Then we all moved out into the surf, which was rough, but not as rough as it was earlier in the day.
I paddled out to show them how to catch a wave.
Everything broke just right for me. I caught the perfect wave and steered left and then right, surfing all the way in to shore.
Jeanne’s daughter said it was too bad she didn’t turn on her camera. I told her I could try again.
Can you see where this is going?
Blood in the water
The second time, I wiped out immediately.
Without a leash – that’s the dumb and dangerous part – my kayak floated away in the surf. Sure enough, it headed right toward my sister’s family.
I shouted for them to just let it go, but they couldn’t hear me in the surf.
The kayak slowed down enough that my sister decided to reach out and grab one end as it passed. Just then a wave tipped it up and the edge caught her right above the eye.
Blood in the water. Blood streaming down her face. Blood on the towel I grabbed for her.
Jeanne went to nursing school years ago, so she didn’t panic, but her granddaughter screamed her head off.
We went straight to Blake Medical Center and got her stitches.
Then Jeanne got a black eye – two black eyes, actually -- which was a nice visual aid when she told people about how her brother tried to kill her with his kayak in Florida.
When she tells the story – it’s a good story – I always laugh, shake my head and confess.
“My fault. Totally my fault. 100 percent my fault.”
